Go on and judge me - I triple dog dare you

[sal_amanda]

You know what?  I need to get something off my chest.  

I no longer breastfeed.
I use disposable diapers.
I have had Nora sleep in her crib since the first day she came home from the hospital.
I don't generally wash my hands between petting the dog and picking Nora up anymore.
I even let the dog lick her face on occasion.
I have been known to let Nora cry at some point.
I have read the No Cry Sleep Solution and don't buy into it at all, and kinda think Dr. Sears is a bit nuts.
I don't even totally buy into the Happiest Baby on the Block because his theories on the evolution of human gestation are just not logical to me.
I do, however, buy into On Becoming Babywise. 
I have Nora in daycare.
I put Nora down to nap on her tummy.
I have recently given Nora some solids (which she totally loves, by the way).

And I don't care that all these things are controversial and that there are those who would read this and think that I am doing wrong by my baby.  Go ahead and judge me.  You will anyway.  I mean, we all do it.  I can't help but have those thoughts pop in my head when I read things that I disagree with.  But I keep those thoughts to myself because I respect the differences that people have and find that what works for one does not necessarily work for another.  This is my family and this is the way I am raising my family.  We discuss this stuff with our pediatrician, and even when I can tell she doesn't always agree with me (i.e. the tummy napping), she doesn't judge me because she can see what a happy and healthy little girl Nora is and that I only have her best interests in mind.  

I am comfortable with the way I raise my daughter.  So go ahead and judge me.  You will anyway.  But keep it to yourself because I don't really give a shit about the judgements of others when I know what's right for us.

Comments

[soltantosogni.livejournal.com]

First off, I am pleased that there was such an affirmative entry at the top of my friends page when I arrive home for work more than an hour late.

MOVINGON

I will not Golf Clap for this. I will THUNDEROUSLYAPPLAUD. Too long I worked in Child Care and saw Parents being pushed and pulled in too many directions. Too many of them would get wishy washy and insist that we knew better and let us have a run with it. Granted for some children they may infact see the people at Day Care more during the day... but they aren't there at Wegmans, they don't see how she can act around strangers or even how your Dog interacts with her.

So I for one, will tell you that unless she's bleeding from the head you're not doing anything wrong. My Father would follow that with and crying. But for the most part I've learned that the only reason little people cry when they're hurt is because we look scared.

So in short: You deserve some Ice Cream.

[sal_amanda]

Thank you. I have gotten really sick of censoring myself on my own fricking journal, even if it was locked as friends only, just to avoid internet drama. I loathe internet drama, but I still want to say what I want to say so I figure anyone who can't support me can bite me. Or just not read my journal. Their choice.

As for daycare, they've never told me I should do anything one way or the other and because of that, I actually feel comfortable occasionally asking them about the kinds of usual behavior they see in the babies when I'm a little unsure about something. After all, they have way more experience with infants than I will ever have, and they have more practical hands on all-day experience than even the doctors and the people who write all the books. Of course, most of the time they just tell me that all the babies are different, so props to them for recognizing that. EduKids is good people.

I think I will indeed have a fudgesicle as soon as we get Nora to bed tonight.

[soltantosogni.livejournal.com]

I was thinking more along the lines of DQ or Cold Stone. But Fudgesicle works.

Fat Kid Stamp of Approval!

[sal_amanda]

Well, going out for ice cream generally requires toting the baby along and some days I just don't feel like going to the trouble so I keep the freezer stocked. ;)

[busybusymama.livejournal.com]

OMG, what a horrible mom you are!! ;)

Here's one for the controversy list:

I would let Jacob cry for a very, very, very long time in his crib. He was at least 9 months or so, not a newborn. I learned, through trial and error, that for that child, going to him when he cried at night (assuming he was not hungry or dirty) was only going to make him cry every SINGLE night at that exact time. So, I would go to him, make sure he was okay, assure him that I was nearby and that he needed to go to sleep. I would then let him cry until he fell asleep. If I did that, then he would sleep through the night every night afterwards (until some future point when his sleep pattern was again disrupted). If I went to him and rocked him, held him, etc, he would continue to wake up every night. Of course, if he was teething, or sick, I would comfort him. Generally these were the things that would disrupt his sleep pattern, and once I knew he was past the nights of whatever was upsetting him, I would have him "cry it out". Horrible? Some of my friends though. I never did that with Grace, because her sleep behavior was so different.

Since he is a well-adjusted, happy, loving, affectionate six year old (in fact, significantly more affectionate than most six year old boys), I think that I did okay.

Proof, I believe that attachement parenting is not the only way to produce a loving, affectionate, well-behaved child

[sal_amanda]

I don't think that's horrible at all. He learned how to soothe himself and he's a fantastic kid so I don't think he was scarred by the experience. That actually fits with the one book listed above that I tend to agree with.

I know me and I know what will or will not fit for me. Nora is just as willful so I can pick up pretty quickly what will or will not fit for her. Attachment parenting is so not for either of us.

[bcurse.livejournal.com]

Interesting how you said "judge me, you will anyway" several times in that rant...now tell us how you really feel? You have nothing to feel defensive about, nor should you have to justify how you raise your child.

All those sacred books (or websites nowadays) from Dr. Sears and his nutritional guidelines, to Dr. Spock and his "expert advice" are nothing more than emergency reading material when there's nothing else available next to the toilet!

As you and the baby grow together, you'll find that she will form her own likes and dislikes as far as food goes, (and other things) sleeping habits, and what she thinks she can get away with as she "tests" you with her crying tantrums. Finally she ends up saying..."well shit, Mom won't come to me every time I shout? OK, I give up, let's look at that funny looking crack on the celling for a while!"

Love is the key ingredient for a baby, not only for what you give her, but for what SHE provides you. Kids really are a miracle, it's a damn shame they have to grow into PEOPLE!

However I am somewhat appalled and offended by one thing you unwillingly confessed to. You allow the dog to lick Nora's face? You know that while a child is teething, anything is fair game to go into that childs mouth. Who knows what germs that poor dog is coming in contact with! I bet you even don't wash your hands after changing a diaper before petting the poor dog!

How absolutely "Michael Vick" of you!!

[sal_amanda]

Ha ha! Shows what you know. I keep a bottle of Purell on the changing table so I always purify myself after a diaper change and the dog has nothing to fear. They did prove on Mythbusters, by the way, that dog mouths really are cleaner than people mouths. Seriously.

[bcurse.livejournal.com]

I've read the same thing regarding "dog mouths vs humans" and it has always been a source of puzzlement. Dogs have that envious ability to contort and lick their privates, (Hell..I'd never leave the house!!) then following this activity they walk up to a human and lick them..and STILL their mouths are cleaner and more free of bacteria than a humans!

Always found that interesting...

[sal_amanda]

Not only that, but think about the crap (sometimes literally) the pick up off the ground and eat. Maybe they have some sort of antibiotic enzymes in their saliva or something.

[(Anonymous)]

That list sounds pretty normal too me. I guess I'll have to scold you for being so damn normal. You really should try to be more of an extremist.

On the serious side, I really think those who like to judge should pick something more important to focus their energy on - there's the war in iraq, the state of healthcare in the U.S., inhumane treatment of animals, global warming... but instead they focus their energy on issues like breastfeeding.

BTW, thanks for the comic book! Dan picked Zack up today and brought it home.

[kristyfrey.livejournal.com]

you probably already figured out that the last post was me :)

[sal_amanda]

You know, I'll even agree that breastfeeding should be encouraged and supported, but that doesn't mean that if someone chooses to formula feed that they should be made to feel like a bad person. Know what I mean? What gets me about that argument is that yes, breastmilk is more nutritious, but that doesn't mean that formula is unhealthy.

[i-am-solid.livejournal.com]

Right on, Mister Sister!

Good that you are deciding this stuff early on rather than be tortured by it for years. I agreed that unless she's bleeding from the head it's all good.

As an aside, today I read some paraphrased quote from Chris Rock saying that a father has only one truly important task in raising his daughter: keep her off the pole.

[sal_amanda]

I'll be sure to pass that responsibility off to John when he gets home.

Nora and I are both willful and we know how we want to go about things, I guess.

[rockinlibrarian.livejournal.com]

There have been SO many times I have wanted to type this exact entry in the past couple months! Well not EXACT-- I DO breastfeed and cloth diaper, but primarily because it's CHEAP, not because I'm on an all-natural crusade-- anyway, it's the SPIRIT of the entry I mean!

I read something the other day in The Complete Tightwad Gazette by Amy D- I forget how to spell her last name, a book I mean to write a whole entry on someday which makes you the second person on my friends list I've said that to so I'd better actually write that entry eventually; anyway, she was saying about how when she'd get on talk shows and explain how she bought all her kids clothes and toys at yard sales and the like, a few people would always write in and accuse her of child abuse for not buying her children new things! And she said something I thought was really important-- that so many people are so quick to throw out the term "child abuse" to any child-rearing method they don't agree with, that it's making people desensitized to it. So REAL abuse doesn't get the fight it deserves when people are busy chewing each other out for a baby MAYBE not getting all the antibodies it could be getting if it was on breast milk instead of formula.

I worked at a children's museum until a month before my baby was born, and I often said watching parents there was a good education for what to do and more often what NOT to do with a kid. I just remember how paranoid some parents would be about safety. Obviously as a state-of-the-art public place for families the Museum had put some thought into safety, but a few parents would give us the impression we were letting their two year old play with knives or something. We had this awesome spiral slide which was a pretty crazy ride, and I usually discouraged children under three (maybe 4) from going down without an adult because very small kids would get twisted around and end up going backwards, which could be scary for some ("unless your kid is very brave," because there were a few of them, too). But I remember once this lady came up and snapped at me, "Is that slide SAFE?" "It's as safe as any other slide that size," I replied, "You need to use good judgement." "But I saw one child BUMP HIS HEAD going down it!" (as this particular child, having shaken off this injury, ran by us to go down the slide again). "Well, yes, that can happen, but that's the thing with slides." "I don't think it's safe, my girls won't go on it!" (Her two girls, the youngest of whom was about five, and both of whom were of the size to not have a problem on the slide, cowered behind her silently). "That's fine, you have that choice," I said, smiling all the while but inwardly vowing to make fun of the crazy lady to everyone at lunch.

I also remember two times the paramedics were called. One time was for a woman whose toddler had fallen and bumped his head --"It's the first time he's ever gotten hurt!" -- who had shaken it off by the time the paramedics arrived, but the mother was freaking out. The paramedics tried to calm her down and rolled their eyes behind her back, then when the lady walked away one of my coworkers looked at the paramedics and said, "I just can't help thinking about the person having a heart attack right now that you could have been helping instead." But another time the paramedics came, it was an example to me of parents who did everything right. In that case, their little girl had a broken nose and was bleeding profusely-- a genuine emergency. The GIRL of course was upset, but the parents were doing an amazing job of staying calm and talking to her to try to calm her down. When the girl cried "Why does everything always happen to me?" they even visibly hasd to stifle a laugh, and the mom replied, "remember LAST vacation we took, your SISTER was the one who got sick! It happens to everybody sometimes." I just raved about those parents from then afterward.

[sal_amanda]

Maybe it's because I'm a social worker and have seen real abuse in action that I think it's total bullshit to call everything abuse, like you say. I couldn't agree with you more about those parents. If you don't want your child on that slide, then don't let them, but don't take it away from the other kids. And I feel sorry for the kids of those parents. I've seen plenty of that kind of behavior, too. You can't keep your kids from getting hurt, unfortunately, so let them be kids. If they bump their heads, they'll probably recover. We had one parent who would never let her kids get wet. In the summer, we'd break out a Slip 'n' Slide or just hose them off, but these poor kids would just sit there and watch and be really, really hot because they knew they'd get in trouble if they got wet. Like their clothes wouldn't dry or something.

[sal_amanda]

Oh, I forgot to mention that if giving your child things from garage sales is child abuse, then call CPS on me because I am the queen of garage sales this summer. I am kicking myself for all the stuff we bought new before Nora was born. The only thing I pretty much bought new since she was born was that jumperoo, but that was with the recall voucher AND a Toys R Us coupon, and it was totally worth it anyway.

I did have to justify a purchase to my husband recently that it wouldn't be so bad for me to buy a couple new outfits for her since all her upcoming clothes are garage sale items, from a consignment shop, or hand-me-downs from our neighbors.