The Mardi Gras Adventures

[sal_amanda]

okay.  this is a long one and since two of my four regular readers were there with me, it might not be all that interesting to them, but i wanted to post lots of detail to really pass on the flavor of Mardi Gras.  i don't have any pictures to put up just yet.  i have to go pick them up in a few minutes and with my slow dial-up connection, it may be awhile before i have them on my online photo album.  however, i'm sure my sister will have hers up quickly so i'll post a link to that when it's ready.  in the meanwhile, checkout flutteronby28 's live journal to see some of sheila's pictures.  so without further ado, here are

Saturday

            The flight wasn’t until the afternoon so one of the highlights of my day was this fascinating hallway in the Chicago airport between the B and C concourses.  It’s got the moving sidewalks and in the middle of the ceiling is a long array of fiber optic tubing in a wide range of rainbow colors.  The rest of the ceiling and the walls are colored square panes of glass, fading out towards the bottom of the wall, and all backlit.  All the while there’s new age music playing.  I don’t know about everybody else, but it totally relaxed me.  So if anyone ever makes it to O’Hare Airport, don’t take the shuttle.  You’d totally be cheating yourself out of a really cool experience.

            Anyway.  Sheila called to let me know that due to Super Bowl overbooking, her flight was being switched so she was going to get to New Orleans a little before me rather than a few hours later.  We found each other when we got there and hopped on a shuttle.  Julie called while we were on the shuttle to let us know they were at the Penis Police party and she’d let us know if they left before we got there, but there were penis beads waiting for us in the hotel with our Street Drinking Permits.  Wahoo. 

            Since there was a parade currently going down Canal St., the shuttle dropped us off a couple blocks away from the Marriott.  Walking those couple blocks with luggage was interesting and the drunk people were in full force.  To keep people from going into the hotels just to use the bathroom, they had wristbands for the guests and we had to pass through a handful of checkpoints to get to the front desk inside.  A very nice man checked us in and gave us our first beads.  Sheila had on her “Vote for Pedro” T-shirt and lots of frat boy types made comments as we passed, along with random “Hey there” weasely kinds of things.  This is one type of sleaze to watch out for at Mardi Gras, and truly the scariest kind.  Although it’s nice to get free beads out of just being a chick.  In the elevator on the way up to our room, a guy in a purple pimp outfit gave us beads just for being fresh from the airport.

            Julie called to let us know they were on a balcony currently belonging to a guy named Fuzzy, so she gave us directions.  We missed the street to turn down, though, because we got distracted by a guy dragging a huge cross down Royal St. followed by other men, all singing “Jesus Loves Me.”  Oy vey.  But we backtracked and found our way.  They threw wristbands down to us and we went up to find Julie topless except for a couple of Fuzzy labels on each boob.  Homemade pasties.  We stayed there briefly until someone needed to be walked to her car.  So we walked with a few of the other type of Mardi Gras sleaze, dirty old men who are actually harmless and just fun, to get the girl to her car.  We got back to the balcony in time to watch the paramedics treating a girl that passed out on a balcony across the street.  Hey, and it was only Saturday!

            Since Sheila hadn’t eaten since Buffalo, we wandered down to the Fatburger.  On our way, we passed by the guy with the cross again.  I noticed that the cross was rigged with rollerskate wheels.  Julie yelled at him that Jesus didn’t have wheels. 

 

Sunday

            I had brilliant plans to show Sheila that there’s much more to New Orleans than just the French Quarter during Mardi Gras.  However, that all backfired on me.  I called for info on a cemetery tour and was informed that the cemeteries are closed until Wednesday.  Damn.  Well, there was still the Garden District.  But the problem with that is that the street cars weren’t running because the parades were on the same route.  Sheila didn’t want to walk there, either, because it is a bit of a hike.  And the carriage rides were 50 bucks for a half hour.  Grr.  In retrospect, we should have gone with Julie and Rachel to see the Bacchus floats getting set up, but we wandered around the French Quarter, the French Market, and the riverfront.  Not terribly exciting. 

            For the Bacchus parade, we got our togas on and all our blinking light-up products.  Sheila and I had matching purple wigs, too.  Julie was sporting her Live Wire pants and jacket so we got many comments on our way down to the parade route from people wanting to know if she made it, if she bought it, how she made it, etc.  We finally made it down to the end of the parade route with Julie’s friends from the KOE (more on them later), everyone decked out in togas and such. 

            After waiting a bit, the parade finally got there.  Since it was Super Bowl Sunday, the floats were all representing cities that had football teams.  Because of licensing fees, though, they weren’t exactly official.  The Buffalo beads had a buffalo on them with City Hall right next to Niagara Falls.  The people on the float totally shafted us, though; not throwing anything to us.  Julie remarked that it’s just like Buffalo.  The celebrity for this parade, by the way, was Sean Astin, with Elijah Wood as his guest.

            By then, we made friends with some of the younger members of the KOE who were there, including a tall, lanky guy from Colorado dressed like Frankenfurter from Rocky Horror., i.e. garters, underwear, fish nets, and f-me heels.  He was interested in only white beads so he gave everything else to me, Sheila, and his wife.  We also made friends with some folks from Kansas, who also hooked us up with some good beads.  Rachel and I were actively trying to catch beads from floats so we racked up a decent pile of them.  A good time was had by all. 

 

Monday

            We got moving earlier for brunch right around where we saw the girl pass out the other night and waved to Fuzzy out on his balcony.  Afterwards, we went to the Cat’s Meow to utilize their balcony in order to get rid of some of our excess beads.  The old men who pretend to flash us were great, but there was one fat guy in sweats who looked like he was about ready to pull down his pants for beads, but we all vehemently let him know that was completely unnecessary and threw mass quantities of beads at him to stop him. 

            Julie negotiated with some guys for their good beads.  There are some ground rules for flashing.  Some girls just walk up to a balcony and whip out their boobs for any old crap that they would have thrown to them regardless.  Not necessary.  If you really want to flash, find someone who has something good that you really, really want.  Cut a deal and be careful that there aren’t any cops around or jerks with cameras trying to sneak a picture when it’s not their deal.  You can identify the professional bead negotiators by the fact that they all have a huge bunch of the same good beads.  They purchased them specifically to get a flash for them. 

            Then it was off to the KOE party.  The KOE is the Krewe of Elvis, but the guy in charge is actually trying to veer a little away from Elvis, much to the annoyance of the Elvis traditionalists.  In any case, they’re an interesting bunch.  For this party, everyone came with KOE stuff they made to trade with everyone else.  Julie gave me some decks of cards that she made to trade with others and I came away with some great swag.  I also got a temporary Bead Whore tattoo from a cute guy in a kilt.  He was a real pro, too.  He was putting tattoos on with one of those sponge-topped envelope sealers.

            I should really mention, at this point, that by Monday, Bourbon St. was a disgusting mess.  You can smell it from a few blocks away.  There are puddles full of beer, vomit, urine, and beads.  And it only gets worse from there.

            Sheila had homework to do so we dropped off our KOE swag and left her alone to get some work done, with promises to pick her up for dinner at Popeye’s.  Julie, Rachel, and I hit the French Market for a bit and Bourbon St.  Julie negotiated for more beads and I served as bouncer, blocking some dude’s camera who gave me a dirty look until I told him it wasn’t his deal and he had no right.  The group of Canadian boys from Toronto, however, would not give up the very cool Elvis one of them had or even one set of Canadian flag beads that they all had.  Damn Canadians.  After dinner, we got on all our light-up stuff again and the three of us went down to the same place for the Orpheus parade.  All their floats were very pretty and ethereal, but their beads weren’t as good as the night before so we acquired a lot of crap for future throwing.

            The KOE has implemented an interesting tradition during parades.  At some point, they decided to honor the tuba players in the high school bands that pepper the parades.  They are the hardest working members of the band because they have to do so much walking with those huge, heavy instruments.  So they have big signs that say “Tuba” which they hold up and chant to as the bands are going by.  They also give whoever is on the edge a small gift of some sort, this year’s being light-up blinking tubas.  It’s interesting to see their reaction.  Some are deathly afraid of the weirdos chanting and handing them stuff, but many of them are now used to it and love it, if not expect it.  They hold up their tubas in response. 

            While Sheila was doing her homework, Ruby the cleaning lady, came in and let her know that there was a room down the hall where the people had left boxes of beads behind that they couldn’t take home with them.  Ruby invited Sheila to go down and pick out some beads.  According to Sheila, it was like the room spit up beads.  And they were all high quality stuff.  Cool.

 

Tuesday

            We got up early to make it down to Jackson Square by 10:00 for the KOE parade.  The theme this year was Viva Las Vegas, so Sheila and I were dressed as a bride and groom.  Rachel had on an Ace of Spades costume.  Julie was Red Hot Lady Luck, which essentially consisted of red dice flannel p.j. bottoms, a red mask, a red and black feather boa, and red sparkly star pasties.  It was extremely difficult to walk down the street because everyone acted like they had never seen boobs before and we were constantly being stopped.  Reactions ranged from Horror (primarily from women), Shock (from everyone), Extreme Joy (mostly men, but there were some exceptions), Awe (from all, but especially teenage boys), and, my favorite, Fumbling to Get the Camera Out (this was also mostly men because the women who wanted pictures were kind enough to ask and then do it quickly).  I imagine this is what it’s like to walk down the street with a celebrity. 

            We got rid of a mess of our acquired parade beads while walking with the KOE, but by the end we were all really hot and sweaty because of the massive humidity so we ran back to the room to change or remove layers.  Sheila put on a flapper outfit, Rachel put on a wench outfit, and I put on my black goth dress with a bright-ass red wig that had built in devil horns.  And back out to Bourbon St.

            The pervs were in full force, stuffing dubloons down Julie’s pants and “accidentally” copping a feel.  There was no end to the lecherous “You little devil” comments I got or remarks about my red hair.  It’s truly the only time and place where it is completely acceptable for a random stranger to walk up to you and give you a hug and kiss and/or make sexual comments without getting slapped.  A gnome came over and kissed me through his hat.  And people kept trying to give us beads while we were trying to unload them on everyone else.  I did get the cutest devil rubber ducky beads from our friend Frankenfurter from Colorado, who felt they matched me. 

            After we were sticky and starting to smell like Bourbon St., we went back to the hotel for a bit of a nap.  Sheila decided to keep resting for a while and would meet us out later so the three of us went to dinner and then down to the corner of Bourbon and Orleans to just watch the freak show from the sidelines.  People just dress up in whatever, and sometimes that means an extremely elaborate costume or sometimes it’s just an old dude walking around in a speedo.  Whatever works for you is perfectly acceptable.  It was just so much fun to merely stand and watch it all, snapping pictures of the oddness and the Friends of God men taking up half the block. 

            Some of the KOE guys met up with us and we stayed there for a while before heading out to a bar a few blocks down.  I still had one more bag of beads to get rid of so I went back to pick them up, as well as Sheila.  I was actually really sick of handing out beads by then so when I saw a group of guys dressed up like Devo from the “Whip It” video, I handed them the entire sack and we walked away quickly before they could give them back, and took off for the bar.

            We went back up to Bourbon before midnight to watch the cops clear off the street.  Julie has gone for several years, but has never been able to stay up for this since her flights were always first thing in the morning.  I wasn’t sure it was going to be such a big deal, but what the hell.  This was actually a really funny thing to witness.

            First some cops on feet move everyone towards the sidewalks, as all the people cheer them on.  Then the cops in cars with the sirens going and the cops on horses.  All the while, the cheering.  They come around the corner and as everyone is moving a little bit more towards the street again, some garbage trucks come down the street followed by the street washer.  This was the funniest moment as people ran for the sidewalks and pushed themselves as close to the walls as possible to avoid being sprayed by the rankness of Bourbon St.  All except for Julie, of course, who had to get a picture.  Then the street sweepers came by, and as they turned the corner, you could see the absolutely ridiculous amounts of beads being dragged along behind them.  Wish I had been ready for a picture of that.  It was too great.  Some more garbage trucks went by and then the ceremony was over and everyone resumed their partying. 

 

Wednesday

            Sheila’s shuttle was coming at 8:55 so the alarm was set for 8:00.  We woke up at 8:30.  So she got out quickly.  The rest of us got up and went downtown.  Rachel and I went to Ash Wednesday mass, where the gospel was about not praying loudly on the street corners like the hypocrites.  Hmm, someone should let the Friends of God know that one. 

            I had been preparing so much for Mardi Gras that I forgot about even thinking about Lent.  I hadn’t thought much of giving anything up, although I usually wind up giving up Lent for Lent.  And I totally forgot that I probably shouldn’t have gone directly from church to the House of Blues to eat that really good burger I had.  Oops.  Oh well. 

            Ran to the HoB store to buy a couple things and one last trip up to Bourbon St. to take a picture of it clean and empty.  Then back to the hotel to try to make all my stuff fit.  It was tight and I was praying my luggage wouldn’t get searched as I might never get it to fit again.  I tried to keep all the Bourbon St. smelling things together so I wouldn’t have to Febreeze so much when I got home, but it’s pretty much impossible to keep that smell from spreading to everything you own, even if it never comes into contact with anything else.  It’s like it has a life of its own. 

Incidentally, with all the beads for me and for the kids at work, my suitcase weighed 48.5 pounds, just 1 ½ pounds under the weight limit.  Phew!

 

Comments

[heywoodjabloski.livejournal.com]

having read that, I feel like I've been there and I no longer feel the need to go...

though I would like to spend a day yelling "show me your tits" at all the pretty ladies... maybe I'll just do that at my birthday party... hrm...

[flutteronby28.livejournal.com]

yell it at me yell it at me!

[sal_amanda]

do you really need the invitation?